http://sid-tuzemen.tumblr.com/

you, I

You go back to something you feel is the easy way out.
You can't be cruel but you have got to be cruel to be kind.
You come back to me, cause you knew I would accept you back into my life.
You now have some issue with me you have gone back to others.

This i feel some what annoyed about.

Random night.

Me & sam have decided there is always that one person you feel closet to.
This i feel is you. between the ages of 15, 16, 17 and 18, Is when you realise you need to start growing up. You played a part in me finding out who I may be and benefited me for the next age growing year. It's not because of lust, though it would have seemed at the time. It's the friendship that grew beautiful. The times we would discuss things that no one else knew and the times that I put up with your lame humour haha.
You haven't rung in 2 days, I must have upset you.
call me sometime.

Passion pit

Alas sounds like ala AKA the god of some religion, yet I am of the uneducated I could be wrong.
It's not as though there is no compromise, Unfortuantly for me I am very stubborn and will loose and arguement if tried hard not to. My head is all over the place that over these past few months I have let slip. To for granted my single status and offered. I have done some things which I am not proud of and others which have been taken for the team.

I am really enjoying my life now, and I don't want to go back to how we were, I tolerate you as a 'friend' now. That's a lie.. Tolerate not at all I have so much care towards you as a friend it's unreal we can hang as friend's imagine I'm the boy you get pissed with OK.
Sleep tight.

Am possibly in the best mood YAY!!

Two Door Cinema Club gig - jack sam brown we have to go ite.
need to go shopping for my sisters biffday ergh.
I'm being so illiterate today its rank.

Give youth the oppotunity to stay alive.

                                                          She takes the night bus home                                                   

america is where the heart is.

If the weather is poor, and It's meant to be summer it actually compresses depression. I am doing NOTHING with my life, because i'm sticking to my dream of america. I'm going to start saving to move out there. The hate that i carry for england is intense. The mood it gives it horrible. It's rare that i like many people at a time, so i could sit her and list only little people I would want to take to america with me. Unfortuantly my best friend isn't there. Just because I'm nice to someone I dislike doesn’t mean I'm a fake. It means I'm mature enough to tolerate my dislike towards them. I can gurantee that if i was to live in america I would believe in love because i wouldn't fear anything out there. It would be an entire new start with entirely different people. I would even consider love to be true. British are cunt'swanker'sarse's They don't actually make you feel anything.

Likes of England -
 The winter It's nice to sit there cosy on the sofa in the season of winter it's a family season.
 The history, The landmarks that we are being given our historic arcitecture. A mark of our growth if you like.
 We are ahead of the american's with our style.

Dislikes of England -
 The driving age, Even though i haven't started driving and i'm legal to.
 The drinking age, Its to younge and unreliable people are taking advantage of the age ban.
 The summer, It's never been a summer to remember due to rain.
 The people, There arrogance is unsociably annoying.
 The amount of jumped up skanks, living in slums due to drug addictions and begging for money.
 The sob stories given in magazines.
 The lack of sunshine.
 The lack of entertainment, britain doesn't have much to offer.

I could go on but i choose not to.

This i have every reason to believe is right http://hadtheworstdream.org/

if you love someone set them free, if you had to stalk them they probably wasn’t yours to love in the first place.

er.

So it would seem that me waking up last night due to doubt was correct, and this morning proved this.
You've got this image in your head that everything that was wanted last time, will be craved again 'INCORRECT'. Me speaking to you is me being there for you as a friend not because I want to jump straight back in bed with you. If I can't even be there as a friend that you 'so much value' then what can I be? I know one thing though.. There is only little people that would of listened to you telling whats going on, & you seem to think I take that for granted so i'l leave you to it.

watch listen tell.

constantly feel shit.
Look shit constantly.
Have nothing to offer to anyone.
give me money to go to america please? that's all i ask out of life.

'don't give me a fake answer, tell me something you want me to hear not what you think i want to hear to cure it'

I run to you.

Would genuinly appreciate it if you had a nice word to say about someone.. I daren't know what you say about me.. if you can't say nice words about better people.

Repetative strain injury ouch.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yiwqfx5Op2k



I BOUGHT THE BEST RETRO WATCH TODAY 1970'S ASWELL ITE.
ALSO I AM GETTING A CHEST TATTOO I AM MAN ENOUGH HONEST.
<3

A&E

18th.
Awoke my lack of sleep to a beautiful blue sky with sun shining against the cars and hitting my window.
I remember no dream's last night which is silly. Last night was really really nice, but sleep had to come first. With the innocence of our convention, i wish it would have come true but for now it's all words.


the story got played via itunes today.. the same story that got told when you passed. I miss you like crazy.

sex is nothing anymore means nothing hate it gaygaygay

The answer wasn't given to my asked question yet it would seem that I retrieved a better answer.
http://www.theanswerbank.co.uk/Media-and-TV/Question579833.html
song is a story.. every song is a story maybe i should write a song about my story..

'A tall dark handsome gentlemen not the wealthiest of wealth but would have always given to the less fortunate. Living on the outskirts of America and seeing the world go by like passing traffic, He meets and greets those of all different genres varying from artists, who would often sit by their street corner painting the rush hour onto white pieces of recycled paper from which had been thrown away with carelessness The envelopes it would seem had markings on them in which referred back to the war. Set in 1914 this article tells its own story. Received by people who suffered a lover’s loss due to bombings the envelopes had there own marking and it wasn’t the markings of state. Music men who would also stand on streets watching passers by while using talent to gain hope for his family. There was a lady, a lady of luxury yet little wealth. She would carry portions of wood. Letting out the smell of roasted chestnuts and would always give off that warm feel to homeless street eaters, making the community homely. As you see everyone who lived on this street were all in the same boat they were a family. They all had the same morals and religious beliefs which made the community enjoyable homeless or not. Often it was shown that not many would survive. People were left there to feed for themselves if they were not accepted by there hostel environments. America’s finest hit men. A few weeks had gone and a few more men had been added to community each being neglected by there commuters. There was nothing to see through espoir It wasn’t often those would get noticed which seemed unfair as they made it to there best intention to entertain those who walked until that day where it was believed that royalty would walk by. Draped in silk of the richest and finished off with a velvet coat. Locks of golden hair would be tied in to a declaration of wealth and she was to be maintained like a crystal glass. Character of looks was taken in by the unexpected luxury. Who it would seem should. This road be reserved for her kindness. He noticed something distinctive about her but couldn’t quite explain it to himself so he left his mind to do overtime to try and figure it out. Those believed she was those who grants money as dirt, Others were left to discover he invite and the rest believed she was from Paris a dancer sent from the Moulin rouge. Even though they had the same views on everything this time seemed to be different. The days of wealth handed landed and there was no reason why. Had a few weeks past it was left with no obligation but to find her.











. As evening drew the rain started to lie in the cracked slabs and the community left to extract heat from the back of shop doors and door ways. Someone had perceived her noticeable deformity and sent her to these worn down streets which would never become souvenirs They were not disgraceful for what they had achieved and would always pray for the hope of better wealth to many others who were much more downturned then them. But the unsolved mystery was back and there stood what was once royalty. She spoke in silence when those introduced themselves. He went on to ask questions ' how had you ended up here?' still she spoke of silence. Only left to imagine what she was speaking in her mind, unaware that he was living the girl covered with a blanket from which had fallen of a silver cross push pram left to stain becoming damp


woken up to a brown boy who was standing at the edge of the street, ringing the brass bell left those sleeping disturbed The brown boy was to sell papers for his father. to pay for a family meal What read on these papers soon become a cheer of relief It was 1918 and the war and come to an end familiar becoming familiar with the word end the young girl had stood to walk towards to paper boy to read the ongoing story of how the war had ended and read the back of the paper to read the deaths.

The beginning of knowledge is the discovery of something we do not understand

Love is difficult to define. How do you avoid confusing it with infatuation or lust? Philosophers and psychologists both have attempted to define love, per least its difference from infatuation and lust.
Love is much more than a risk, but is a risk that one can take and grasp and fall into a dark abyss or dig oneself a hole and only crawl back when you overcome your emotions.

How can one truly define what love is? Not even an experienced person can truly grasp or explain love to its truest and deepest meaning. Its concepts are just a never ending story of an open book of experiences. But love does lie in one's heart, where memories are but shadows lingering in your soul. Love is giving someone the power to break your heart, but trusting them not to.

woke up, couldn't move.. stomach was jammed that if i went to move it would clasp into place and jam me.
fuck what is wrong with me?

FARRRRK ORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRF

How the FARK can someone fall out with you by being civil to someone they don't like, most pathetic childish pointless immature thing i have ever heard i hope you get aids swarve baby.

How do you handle someone passing on something serious, then having it play on the mind with the image of worry passing through. Especially when it's someone i still care for as a friend. Have a good night's sleep with the intentions that you can dream of finding a happy state of mind, let everything that has been telling you recently leave in a non exsistant nightmare. Blue balls of science make you better please?   
come see me soon please?

Lets go all the way tonight.. no regrets just love.
we can dance untill we die, you and i we will be young forever.
you make me feel like were living a teenage dream.

I for now, am the spectator.
I am not for playing against your hypocrisy.


Sitting in my bathroom attempting to record a song with my husky voice ecohing off the walls is taking me back to a state of mind in which was appreciated. I need a fag but mum said not to go out the back cause i will get a worse cold. Wanting to paint my room in red, red for romance.
i'm bleeding just to know im alive.
since friday night, i hate everything.

if you ever see her, if you ever meet her, if you ever get the chance to sit down and talk to her, let her know it's so cold, it's so cold, it's so cold here without her and tell her I miss her, tell her I need her. Tell her I want her, I really want her, to come back, home, back to keep me warm. Tell her I'm sorry..., I'm really sorry. Can you forgive me, really forgive me.

inconsolable feeling.

spending time tidying the place in which is i stay in most of the time and has left it even more warmfull.. With the wind picking up outside and the rain brewing to hit on the window pane I get the feel I'm in for a winters evening. Matilda .. the best childhood film to ever be made its followed by a happy ending. being content with things just leaves wishing.. wishing for someone to be here to spend minutes and hours in company with me. Becoming rather lonely at times starts getting boring and horrible.. but its something that i have got use to. The beauty of being alone is finding someone who can cure that inconsolable feeling.

Intoxication.

As my facebook status explains..Deodora Derek rant - i need to stop smoking but i can't and i oddly enjoy it. intoxicating myself with harmful shit isn't enough to put me off. Why do we smoke? isn't it enough seeing other people die from smoking, or people getting ill. Even people who don't smoke are suffering by the cause of passive smoking(sozzzz people). Perhaps this will seem more convincing if we reveal a personal secret: We ourselves do not smoke at all. We may be missing a great deal. That is how i see smoking as, if i don't do it im missing out silly really. I wouldn't take any drugs(sniff or inject) smoking is a universal desire for self expression. What is the nature of this psychological pleasure? A substitute for our early habit of following the whims of the moment; it becomes a legitimate excuse for interrupting work and snatching a moment of pleasure. If you sit back for the length of a cigarette, you feel much fresher afterwards. It's a peculiar thing, but I wouldn't think of just sitting back without a cigarette. I guess a cigarette somehow gives me a good excuse. As I say needing to stop smoking do I but its of the impossible. When older regret with hit the descision i make so best I make the right one.

felt like some colouring aswell.

I always fear for me, my family & my friends when a plane flys over my house.
One of those noisy planes, i think were going to get bombed and i plan ahead.. thinking about where i would hide what item would i take with me and which one of my cats i would save aha.

half an hour before mid-day.

i just got one big rush of excitement.
tonight, i must see poppy i have some shanangins to plan.
i need to book my holiday, and i need to sort my act out with certain people sorted apresto shaban.

xyz.

The xx are outstandigly tight.
I appreciate the way they present there music, it reminds me of being in a haunted house, but withe the intentions of finding something good, not a scary theme just set in a scary scene.
I should never drink as i waste all my money daym.
poshpigs tomorrow, lush.
text me soon,thanks.

Wishing I was secluded by a waterfall.

I am so ill, My mouth hurts like a bitch and i have work in less then an hour.
Last night was good, not because of the music or the venue but the people who took the time to speak to me regarding whether it would be right or wrong.
I got in one arguement last night due to him winding me up i blackmailed him and said i would tell his gf about him cheating on her, thing is i would be screwing my friend over just as much as i would 'him' and it would also cause hurt to the gf, i may be a cunt but really.. i am not that nasty.
The people there last night where a range, but the strange thing is it was always the same people who ask to take me home. It makes me feel dirty and worthless, just a pennyless piece of meat in which people think they can obtain the excuse 'drunk' the next day to explain there actions. I did not act upon any of the jestures just left to sleep this head cold off.
I will say one thing about last night.. i'm terrified for you, and simply want to hug you.

nose is really pissing me off, and i know have to walk to work to deliver some shit in and get paid FML.
x

Trying to sing with my guitar is going epicly wrong simply because this shitty cold is runing me. no voice sniffly nose, aches and pains and simply sneezing and all sorts fml.
airshow today? do i risk it raining on me to have a drink ? or will i get a worse cold.
i wish you would ring me just once.
07704926183

Late, but i have.

I have tried to get on your blog for a while but not 'me' it would seem it was your old one.
I couldn't read anything you had written untill today at 02.01 am where i found your new blog and found the reply post. This truely made me cry simply because i miss your friendship. I miss your writing because i knew you had the abilities just like me. I have read your other blogs and wish you had spoken to me about them. i forgive you, and i'm sure you had your reasons.
read this please?

when I met you at the blood bank

I am in complete fear for myself at the minute.
It would seem living in the worst place in the world could drive you to emotional disposition, simply because its not where the heart is.
still awake because my mind has gone into overload, pretty sure this happens continually.
Bon iver is syringing my ears, as I listen, it takes me back to when everything seemed to be in a happy state of mind, where the weather would be pleasent. though my happiest times where my childhood. I don't have the bond with my mother anymore, When pushed aside not wanting to be shows the ability of what love for another can do. The childhood lead seems optimized to the full extent of serenity, in where i couldn't have wished for more. Above all the strength to smile was not diversitised, nor persued as a 'have to' but a hobby.
when happy meals where a treat, and christmas was the best day of the year that's contentment to intense joy.
I'm afraid to get old, to grow alone, to grow up in england and to not have persued what I wanted to in life, someone guide me to a life full of love and dreams?

i wish i had the imagination to write like i did a few months ago, not all this shit so i am going to delete everything i just wrote and leave this sentence.

Feels pleasent and happy simply because the sun is shining.
my teeth hurt though, i'd advice anyone to get a brace but expect the pain its HURTS so much.

I think it's time i make a few changes to myself and with the people around me. Poppy has just fucked off to

ibiza so i feel i have nothing to occupy my time cause thats where all the parties go down.

elliot asked to see me the other day simply to see poppy mer what a douchefacedwankercuntprickhotbutwanker.

me and merrell should be going alton towers sunday whey.

lifesgood.

Ever got to the stage where you feel everything is too much? you know to much but what you want to know, you know little of? it scares me.. not living up to my full expectation before my instrument is killed. having them days where everything from your childhood is bought back upon your memories on little childhood things you have mentioned to little people the people you thought would have stuck around knowing they shared the same unforgivable and regretable memories with yourself. Everything is insignificant, but it is very important that you do it because no body else will. Lik when someone comes into your life and half of you says your no where near ready and the other half says 'make her yours forever' i kind have wish you had said that to me.

Dad.
We haven't spoken for a while, yet it seem's i think about you and wonder what you are doing but then i also think about when you left me and my sister the way you seemed to put upon resentment towards us in where we fear that we would never forgive you. i forgive you and im sorry.

I miss you so much, and i forgive you.
i love you.

no longer words.

Wow so today has shown that friends are not friends.
They really are just a words to describe the little time spent on being nice.
I can have words thrown at me about my looks but tbh it's my instrument and isn't used to be passed judgement.
Be kind to one another? what is that word kind? it surely has no perfect meaning.. cause no one follows the definition.

it's weird how i can relate you to everyone else. Who am i kidding you are like everyone else. arrogant,score pointing jerk. I speak to you first yet i wish it was the other way round eurgh. Other then that today has been pleasant. I appreciated my voice being took as a talent and being asked to share the benefits with people. I am going on holiday with my favourites and I am laying in bed with white underwear as at the minute I can't not have matching. hotel california cover " is playing through my ears and is making me want to fall asleep but i only want you to reply. :(

we haven't had that spirit here since 1969.

MAGGGGGGA WHAT.

Look into my... eye's would i lie to you baby(8)

predicaments.

I don't have any concerns all complaints about this weekend, yet i sit here wondering why i feel like everyone and everything is so against me.
I feel like this when i know i can't have someone.. yet it would be that someone who i want.
It would seem i purposely get myself in these predicaments, but i want to avoid them.


ARRRRRRRRRRRRRR why can't i have the mind like the male generation things would be so much more simpler.

summer vacation with you if possible please? a vacation where we never come back?

                                                          want to watch titanic NOW!

persuit of love.

http://www.plyrics.com/lyrics/cityandcolour/thegirl.html

Dallas green makes me smile, & i listen to this song to show the real meaning of love.
I told someone not so long back that i didn't and wouldn't believe in love in years to come, i lied. You have a dedication towards an activity or a scenario that you want to achieve, and this dedication then leads to pursuing, in order for this to work you have to have passion, passion is love. If you hated something you wouldn't do it right? well then hate and love are the 2 opposites, so as you want to pursue you love.
I still don't believe in love, but I'll let that question be answered for me in time to come and if your right then I'm sorry but i never received love from you.

I would appreciate either you or a look alike to pop by my window?

sometimes in life.. you run across a love unknown without a reason it seems like you belong.

You make me feel so small, and i hate myself for letting you.
you are vulger, you really are.
When you come to understand that life isn't handed to you on a plate, and that you have to earn the repsect of others then you might appreciate the people you 'HAD' in your life.
If this world gives you all that you want, then you're the incompetent one.
i'm done.


my guitar has kept me company all night long, i love it.

it's like a winter's evening, and i like it.

If this weather was to stay like this for a while it would be awfully beneficial, but i would rather sunshine as christmas and celebrations around that time are times to experience the cold and be snuggled inside with the fire on watching tele and being wrapped in your duvet not half way through june. I appreciate this weather, thunderstorms, rain, wind.. but only when i am located inside.
it's been a horrible day today and i could really use a wish right now.

old age language, old age english, old age folk music why is everything cool in the past.
The 16th and 17th century were offering peacefull music out to the attendances of a ball.
It was all live back then no pre recorded music.

I would enjoy travelling in previous time to catch a glimpse of this.

It seem's i have lost my voice.. Well really it's there but it's husky (I just said this out loud to just double check it was still husky) now everyone is going to think what are you doing. I have repetative strain injury from work, this is a bugger because it makes it difficult for me to type etc at fast paces. I have a stinken cold and i had an exclusive dream which consisted of phil mitchel climbing a rope hanging from a tree last night. It's been a struggle to get up recently with me working 24.7 and having college. I passed one of my portfolios wednesday though that was a pleasent surprise.. just need to wait to be told whether it has been passed with a merit or a distinction. BIG BROTHER is shit this year but im going to watch it whilst i eat some cereal have a nice day bloggers.
x

Florence you babe.
I simply want to corress you're body whilst the harps are playing in the background lush.

This isn't healthy, I don't care

I don't want to eat anymore.
yet i feel obliged to eat.
I'm not going to unless it's fruit or veg
simple.

Smells like roses

R.I.P - abreviated for rest in peace. This is of which I know you are doing, entering people's dreams and thought's and nothing can be downed upon when this occurs means everything being sent to you is positive. People were correct when they mentioned you would never be forgotten because you're beautiful cast of light shone and stuck with people. I'm listening to the song thinking of you.. it doesn't have the same meaning as to why I and everyone else are thinking of you but I can be sure of one thing, If time could be changed, I would keep you in the cuboard by my bed and only ever let you out when you promise you would be carefull.

I love you my beautiful soul, and one wish is to meet the other 6 people.
x

A summer song.
A song, one that is waiting to be written but yet I can't put the words together to form a sentence.
Time is going by so quickly, that's what they say when you hit adolescence, other then being discreet with my time, i am finding that time is taking a comparatively long time. I should be appreciating my young self, yet all i seem to be doing is disparaging life.
Summer love affair.
self indulging erotica's.

its been far to long hasn't it religious bloggers.
alot of things have happened over these couple of months and alot is for the best but i simply miss alot of things.. rangeing from friends, to family and family to YOU.
i understand the ethics of how life works, when one door closes another opens, when a soul is killed another is born, when the sun rises its sun down in another time and place.
i just wish things could come with the simplicity and understanding of nature.

happiness has gone.

i feel empty.
The experiencing of affective and emotional states, in which i can not define anymore. emotionally drained.
I feel sick when i talk, I'm scared to introduce new people into my life and i fear for my life. I often hurt when i judge, or regard upon. I am lower then i have ever previously been with little aversion to activity. Gesturing towards silence is the only thing i feel safe upon now. I wish i didn't belong in the present time, previous would suit me best. I'm shocked at how distinctively separated from early i am, and how modified i have become.
stop listening to sad music, it's bad and watch eastenders.

please?

i'd appreciate forgetting being cognizant or aware of a fact i use to know you.
possesing memory's that mean nothing to me anymore.
i like dislike everything about you now, aversion.
You're number has been deleted, as i'd expect you would have done the same. We don't need each other in one anothers life especially if you say you will always be there for me? postrate.
that is simply the last ever thing i am going to mention, for you to read about yourself.

9th May.
Today started dull, chilled with the people i like to call parents and watched F1.
I continued to sit around for the consistancy of the day, untill i realised the sun was coming out. This is where is met Benjamin. we went to the 'gravely' part of pakefield and stood looking at the tide, whilst talking about what we wanted to do in life, i come to the conclusion i have pretty high expectations. We needed a good landscape to take pictures for a band he is covering. pretty sweet huh. We were in the car driving, when dallas green was played via my ears 'happiness by the kilowatt' it's beautiful, and acousticaly covered to perfection, with such a soft melody ( i am listening to it now, admiring how lovely you really are ). I am at home after a chilled out day enjoying and appreciating life. My friends my family, my new friends and the sun. I am also appreciating our meeting today it bought me up a bit so thankyou. I shall see you in the week for some wine and ice cream?
night night x

integrity

completely wounded, weening of the fact i'm alone and terrified.

thrown into a state of confusion, desperation and fear.

I'm frightened at a gentle pace, as if im expecting to come upon something asif by accident.

Walking along with an unsteady mind race, it like walking the tight rope.

I think about death 24-7.
If i said i hadn't thought about death upon myself i would be lying, i think about the picture of words and often wonder what statement would be true. If only it didn't involve death to show the differences in peoples mind.
The 1 thing i know about is how much he wouldn't care, if i was to die, you wouldn't regret being an asshole, and you wouldnt moan and wish me back. The one thing youregret is ever meeting me, and you would appreciate other people's loss.

this sickens me.

i don't want you're respect so you don't phase me.

i HAVEN'T slept.
i was drinking till 7 am and i know im going to still be in pain tomorrow.
my kidney's hurt.. to much agro last night in which i can't be bothered to help you anymore.
I still hate her with everything i am, but i have no need to be argueing with her so i be civil. if you know me at you all you will no i am NOT 2 faced but then again it seems you don't know me at all.

maybe my body doesn't want me to diet..

i open a yogurt today and itt's all moldy, good start ey.

As of tomorrow my healthy life style starts.

breakfast - yogurt/fruit/dry toast.

snack - fruit

lunch - salad/sandwich fruit yogurt and a glass of orange juice.

snack - biscuit.

dinner - pasta/soup/jacket potato

6 glassess of water.

i have commited myself to a guy who can play a guitar and sing to be the father of my chrildren.
YES i will be having chrildren if this guy comes about.
he has to have a cute beauty spot, that people are unaware of.. his fashion has to be perfect, and his hair has to be messy no baldness sick shit please.
around 5/7 - 6ft. He has to have clean hands, and nice feet otherwise that is a no no, i don't want my chrildren having horrible feet. Nice shaped nose, and BLUE eyes. Atleast 1 ear pierced 2 ears are gay, but if he has one stretched i would make a exception. Tattoo's preferbly if not then you have to have tanned skin. I would like you to have the same interests as me, and not be into exotic porn. You have to get use to my individual style its not everyday you see a girl with 2 tone hair. You have to enjoy walks, drives and themeparks oh and sun if not then goodbye.
anyone?

ear hurts.
ouch.

smiley.

Because I'm feeling perpetually happy, i cannot stop smiling.. i thought i would emphasise this by getting my smiley pierced. Little time to look back on what's happened because other people are trusting there imagination to take me to wild places of forgive and forget fullness. I'm showing little interest in males if I'm honest no one has quite caught my eye, i have had offers but have rejected.. except for one guy but he is a very good mate nothing more i don't think. I'm trusting my initiative to let something/someone come to me.. i have little worry about guys love romance or feeling there is one guy i would drop my hat for and that is EH.


143.

happiness is back.

Well wasn't that brief, but i have my rose back now meaning you can go on with you're life without stress hassle or drama. I hope you appreciated the fun we actually did have even though it was for a minor time.. I'm sure you understand why i reacted the way i did, and that goes without saying.. i just wish things could have been different. I didn't intentionally add cooper to piss you off, i just genuinly added him to see who you're new best friend was as to say haha. You must forgive me. i sent you some song's earlier, just like i use to listen to your's i wanted to send you my playlist atm 'repeat'. It's summer soon, and i wish you happiness for that i think i'm over the upset now as i have perfect friends and i always know everything happens for a reason.. i best go 'got the po po round' haven't i. I hope to hear from you soon, if not il be sure to check you're good in a month or so.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ViGFyeuLh9k

I NEED TO MEET THIS GUY, THIS YEAR THE 1ST OF AUGEST LONDON.

Erik Hassle please?

you have the most beautiful tone to you're voice it's unbelievable.

You're lyrics are also beautiful, and resemble a lot to do with me.. I need to meet you, and you're black dog. That is all i ask out of life is to meet you. The most luxurious looking/presentable acoustic singer, i would pay you thousands to sing me to sleep at night. you're accent its to perfection and your curly hair is in a well presented style. I would die to meet you.

passion is beauty.

the content of cognition..
how i can allow myself to organize different feelings in my head, then within a few hours have them placed completely different.
the trait of being intensely emotional, an irrational but irresistible motive for a belief or action, being desired.. This is my feeling of emotion right now, and i like it.
A peaceful state of mind.

i've been considering some harsh damage recently, but i have the most amount of motivation possible to achieve them. When i get money, you will all understand what will happen. I'm not bothered who i upset in the long run, because it's proven i can only rely on few. Some of my motives to things are sickening and if you were to ever know what i have been thinking over the last couple of days you would be scared for me.

You won't ever understand how i am, or who i am, because i don't even know who i am anymore.. I wish i could go back to the state of a child between infancy and adolescence, little less worry.. and i would do things with an entirely different approach as to what im doing now. I feel sick with guilt on myself about what i have been thinking, and i'm terrified to know how i will protect myself if anything occurs.

The worst part is everything i would do would be intentional.

The act of motivation you're providing yourself with, shows you're spirit that enables you to face danger or pain without showing fear. This favourable circumstance will provide you with a more beneficial, and substantial look upon a some what unrestrained life. The happenings that you are going to experience makes me appreciate the little moral high ground that others have. If i was to offer a chance for phenomenon, you would be the expectandancy I would appreciate offering it to. I will always say you are to pleasant and agreeable, socially or conventionally correct, and respected amongst a few others, so never think someone such as yourself goes unappreciated. More people should look up to someone like you, and show more of an enamored aspect on something they want to do with themselves in the following future. I wish you a major significant life, and i would appreciate it if you stayed in contact.

i will offer my life as a sacrifice.
This is a beautiful moment in life.. as it will change how i see things in the future.
you're a special guy and i would like you to change you're status about feeling awfull thank's.
chinese calls my name but i dont have the appetite.
this is better for us, whether i am hurt which i am, or whether you feel awfull.
i'm sure we wil stay the greatest of friends in time, as i need you in my life, i have come to terms that friends WITHOUT benefits is what we need.

Could sincerely smash you're face in with a fucking baseball bat.
Ow maybe i need more alcohol in my system, both of you make me sick and i wouldn't spit on you if you were on fire you stupid naive cunts.
DIE.

You're intention's are to avoid talking to me for as long as you can, and the stubborn part that plays in my mind won't give in to ringing you, even if i want to hear you're voice more then ever.
Is it bad that you're mum knows i would never hurt you and i would do everything to make you happy, you're mum seems to have more knowledge then you do. You hide like a child, and shy away from the reality of something. Is it that you want me, but you want everyone else to have you, or is it that i was used?
I'm sipping wine with the mother and she asked about you, i just said oh i don't know i haven't spoken to him.. she knows that you're not that interested otherwise you would of made the effort. You bring out the best of me, but at the moment you happen to bring out the worst in me. I don't feel normal today.

Dead flower

My view of this rain is beautiful.
It's not often we go through s series of day's without any poor weather, were not the only  one's to benefit from the british weather, plants need water to feed offf.
We can't always give and not take, this is becoming a regular accurance with you.
A moment, a love a dream a life a kiss a cry our rights, our wrongs.
Please try not to take and never give because it makes that other person feel small, and makes them feel like a flower with no water.

When I'm alone, everything i think about is comprehensive, thorough and detailed.
My all in one manner to approach something is filled with a silence of confusion.. resulting from a failure to behave predictably then back to where we started off with me being comprehensive.

My loss of orientation is a defined stroke of feeling and emotion, taking one thing to be another and anticipating the complete opposite. everything appears different to how it's told in my head and sometimes i wish the walls would close in on me and that sometimes the instance i think, could be refereed to the similarities and reality of what was going on around me then maybe i would be so confused.

i sing everyday, i've decided music is my life.
My back window is open, and i can hear the bird's also singing.
My neighbours double door's are open whilst there noise flows through my window.
i couldn't not sing i enjoy it to much.
shame i never sing infront of people, maybe they'd understand my love for music if they heard.

1st day of a new month lalala

good job this month, i don't plan to regret anything, take any oppotunity's in a relationship nor take forever to make a decision. 1st of May, bbq day with weather like this, i need to wash my locks again. Then communicate with a few male/female friends to sort out the plans for today yumyum shower time.

also.. would you risk it for a chocolate biscuit?

i.. also miss you.

it rained this evening, it's nice to know we both felt raindrops and due to being in a night club i got pretty hot. It was a pleasant evening, with friends who i hadn't seen for ages who complimented on the way i have changed, and how much of a person i have become? this doesn't mean that now i am going to take advantage of what people think, i just would like people to know i appreciate it. Im so sitting at home, with Tauri chad and myself watching some shit on the TV. I'm pretty certain that i miss you right now and would like to be in your bed, whilst you comfort me. I pranked you 4 times it may seem, and it never managed to ring... just voice mail. It's nice when you contact me though, as i know you want to and you miss me. I would appreciate seeing you soon please? as i miss your beautiful little face. I don't want to depart i would miss you to much. Sleep tight baby, x

Would it be ok if i asked to move to rome please?
i won't take this opotunity for granted, and i will always appreciate it.
a little bit of money would be good aswell, if its cool?
thankyou.

p.s beautiful life.

i've realised i'm not clever.
but i'm clever enough to play games.
& you can't stop me.

i'm going shopping tomorrrow YES.
need to present myself for this weekend i think bankholiday baby.
and alof of people i know are back offffshore YAY.
This evening was strange,  i got knocked out by a door haha, and i also can't count how many pool balls are located on one table when i arrive back from having a sit down weeeweeee.
I wonder if jack found his hat? i wonder if adam will ever be with it, and i wonder if your still gay? or was it a one of thing.
I actually like my life, and i'm not going to let thing's bother me.
BTW you have chlamydia GUTTTTED.

2 months ago please?

Has actually a lovely day, minus a few mishaps.
It's been nice weather, including the drastic rain fall.
The fry up went down a treat, aswell as the company.
I have been offered more company for the week which i am looking forward to, it's time to meet a few new people, introducing them into my life aslong as they don't let me down.
I'm going on a keep fit rageim as i am now FAT yet i'm going round his this week to cook a mean carbarnara great sorry belly il apologise to you now.
The libertines are reunited, meaning they have once again entered my track listing for the evening well untill i have to go back out blurrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
i have had a lovely day though so it's nothing to complain about.
hello new dawn new day.

Good one that signing on msn, then signing off.
I have major ear and head ache.
major upset and anger.
But mainly i am expecting sunshine tomorrow, new dawn new day.

for all you who believe in love, it's not real.
for all you who have been hurt, trust me their not worth it, as much as you think they are they are not. People who never tell you what they want are only saying this because they want to keep you sweet so they lie to you to get what they want, and people who think that it's all a shambles, no doubt your beautiful and you could break down a man, so please don't let any form of male attention to distract you from your pure beauty, and lead you away from what is potential don't waste time.

There is a song i have been listening to and i have referred it to you.
it's about a man being emotionaly unavailable, strangest thing is my voice sings well with the lyrics.
I wish this wasn't a coincidence.

how do i get closer to you,
when you keep it all on mute.
how will i know the right way to love you.

usually the queen of figuring out.
breaking down a man is no work out.
but i have no clue
how to get through to you.

i wanna hit you just to see if you cry,
keep knocking on wood
hoping there's a real boy inside.

But you're not a man,
You're just a mannequin
i wish you could feel
the my love is real.
But you're not a man.

i wish i could just turn you on.
put a battery in and make you talk.
Even pull a string for you to say anything.

But with you there is no gurantee.
only expired warranty.
A bunch of broken parts
but i can't seem to find your heart.

i'm such a fool
i'm such a fool
i'm such a fool
this one's outta my hands.
I can't put you back together again.

Cause you're not a man,

You're just a mannequin
i wish you could feel
the my love is real.
You're just a toy
could you ever be a real real boy
and understand you're not a real man.

if the past is the problem
our future can solve them baby
i could bring alive if you let me inside baby
this will hurt, but in the end you will be a man.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1pAQWoe5Wn0

i want a VDUB? please.

Same shit, different day.

It's the same expected shit, just on a different day.
I know what to be expecting today..
I just wish my life wasn't so predictable.

i feel sick when being faced with the green eye'd monster.

How nice has today been.
I have done nothing but certain individuals who i haven't spoken to for months just made my day having the  make contact with me.
Going out for a beverage with one soon, along with coming back for a barbe and more beverages at my end.
The weather is beautiful and my sound track is impressive.
This will get better i know it and with what me and youngsy have planned for this summer it will be immense.

The fact i have been asked to make carbarnara for you, fears me or giving you food poisoning, maybe i should have told the truth about my cooking.

CLUB

Need's to exclude the most important person from my life, cause i'l only end up hurt.
I don't need to be used, i don't need to feel like you want everything, and i can't have nothing.

The beauty of being alone is to not fear hurt, or pain. Sadness or anger, and most of all im still a far distance from finding love, and i want it to stay that way. I like my new playlist.
I know this summer is going to be beautiful, as it already is turning out to be.

I know who my favourites are, and i wouldn't exchange them for a bag of wotsits, or beef monstermunch, or more importantly a steak. I'm keeping my enemies to a distance simply because i can't be bothered with the childish he said she said business. My life will be simple, with hurt affecting me now i will be ok in a few weeks.

Would the sun like to keep shining please? it makes me happy.

you think you'll be upset pffffffft.
YOU HAVE NO IDEA.
you think you get hurt, IM USE TO REJECTION.
you think there is such a thing as love? I DON'T .
YOUR SO WRONG ABOUT EVERYTHING.
but the worst part is...













i was wrong about getting myself into this situation.

WANTS

i want to travel the world.
i want to be a christian.
i want live red hair.

i want an owl with a smoking pipe tattoed on my foot.

i want a guy who i can 'rely' on.
i want a menthol cigarette right now.
i want to remove myself from this depressing hell hole.
i want the summer to be here.
i want a new pair of sunglasses.
i want you and your forehead to fuck off out of my life.
i want you and your nose to die.
i want this dubstep to stay on my playlist forever.
i want to live in america.
i want another tattoo.

Love met Kurt Cobain, on January 12, 1990, in Portland's Satyricon nightclub[31] when the two still led underground rock bands.[32] Love made advances but Cobain was evasive. Early in their courtship Cobain broke off dates and ignored Love’s advances because he wasn’t sure he wanted a relationship. Cobain noted, "I was determined to be a bachelor for a few months [...] But I knew that I liked Courtney so much right away that it was a really hard struggle to stay away from her for so many months.

sound familiar, must be a male thing shame your indenial.
All i have read about today is love, and conbains marriage, divorce, love, and death and im interested as fuck!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LAZ.

Buhrmann.
This is the most inspirational thing i have ever listened to. Is it possible to succeed in doing everything he says. The most beautiful thing i have ever been told, and yes i listened and i listened hard. I've been researching so many different theories conspiracys, inspirational speeches, murders/deaths, abductions everything. i can not express how much i want to get somewhere with my life. I may only be 17 but i have had a dream since i was a little girl to live in america and once i complete uni i will live in america, i HATE lowestoft, there is nothing here for me, and i would be willing to leave this town to be an independance of my own, in america. I will do it someone please let me do it.

get to know your parents you never know when they will be gone for good, be nice to your siblings there the best link to your past and most likely to stick to you  in the future.
understand that friends come and go, except for the precious few that you should hold onto. Live in NYC once but leave before it makes you hard. Travel except certain inalian truths.
be carefull who's advice you abide but be patient with those who suply it.
Don't waste your time on jelously.
April the 18th 2010, i have lost the bond i had with a special friend, who i would keep patient for him to offer me advice, i would let him dispense this, but i am going to understand the power and youth of myself, and see how much possibility lies before me. Don't worry about the future, the real troubles in your life are the actual things that never cross your life. Do 1 thing everyday that scares you. remember compliments you recieve, forget the insults. keep your old love letters throw away your old bank statements. I'm going to realise one day im a child, i'm not an aldult what i do i won't congratualte myself tomuch. Enjoy your body, everything you can do with it, its the greatest instrument you will ever own. i owe alot to myself for the way i have been, but it only makes me stronger. I will live in america one day, whether i be an adult or a child, but i will only ever leave a place if im 100% ready.

I'm ready for the crisis.

now the weather is turning out alot nicer then expected, i want to be guided to a nice guy.

someone who is willing to be commited to me, who know's what they want, someone who isn't in doubt, or afraid to make a drastic change to their some what simple life. The beauty of a summer romance, would be having fun. Stroll's along the beach whilst holding he is holding his shoes in one hand and the spade in the other preparing him self for the oppotunity to act 5 again. Her holding her flipflops whilst her maxi dress glides swiftly past her arm, as she gracefully laughs as him in a positive way as to say, 'you make me so happy'. Road trips to themeparks, zoo's, city shopping centers, outskirts of citys for dinner, dinner in the country side, or boat trips by the lake. picnics on acres of land where you can see greenery for miles, whilst eating pasta and drinking for her wine, and for him a crate, or some other alcoholic male substance.

all these things seem pretty beneficials, but most of them seem pretty unrealistic.
It's ok to dream though right?