when I met you at the blood bank

I am in complete fear for myself at the minute.
It would seem living in the worst place in the world could drive you to emotional disposition, simply because its not where the heart is.
still awake because my mind has gone into overload, pretty sure this happens continually.
Bon iver is syringing my ears, as I listen, it takes me back to when everything seemed to be in a happy state of mind, where the weather would be pleasent. though my happiest times where my childhood. I don't have the bond with my mother anymore, When pushed aside not wanting to be shows the ability of what love for another can do. The childhood lead seems optimized to the full extent of serenity, in where i couldn't have wished for more. Above all the strength to smile was not diversitised, nor persued as a 'have to' but a hobby.
when happy meals where a treat, and christmas was the best day of the year that's contentment to intense joy.
I'm afraid to get old, to grow alone, to grow up in england and to not have persued what I wanted to in life, someone guide me to a life full of love and dreams?