you, I

You go back to something you feel is the easy way out.
You can't be cruel but you have got to be cruel to be kind.
You come back to me, cause you knew I would accept you back into my life.
You now have some issue with me you have gone back to others.

This i feel some what annoyed about.

Random night.

Me & sam have decided there is always that one person you feel closet to.
This i feel is you. between the ages of 15, 16, 17 and 18, Is when you realise you need to start growing up. You played a part in me finding out who I may be and benefited me for the next age growing year. It's not because of lust, though it would have seemed at the time. It's the friendship that grew beautiful. The times we would discuss things that no one else knew and the times that I put up with your lame humour haha.
You haven't rung in 2 days, I must have upset you.
call me sometime.

Passion pit

Alas sounds like ala AKA the god of some religion, yet I am of the uneducated I could be wrong.
It's not as though there is no compromise, Unfortuantly for me I am very stubborn and will loose and arguement if tried hard not to. My head is all over the place that over these past few months I have let slip. To for granted my single status and offered. I have done some things which I am not proud of and others which have been taken for the team.

I am really enjoying my life now, and I don't want to go back to how we were, I tolerate you as a 'friend' now. That's a lie.. Tolerate not at all I have so much care towards you as a friend it's unreal we can hang as friend's imagine I'm the boy you get pissed with OK.
Sleep tight.

Am possibly in the best mood YAY!!

Two Door Cinema Club gig - jack sam brown we have to go ite.
need to go shopping for my sisters biffday ergh.
I'm being so illiterate today its rank.

Give youth the oppotunity to stay alive.

                                                          She takes the night bus home                                                   

america is where the heart is.

If the weather is poor, and It's meant to be summer it actually compresses depression. I am doing NOTHING with my life, because i'm sticking to my dream of america. I'm going to start saving to move out there. The hate that i carry for england is intense. The mood it gives it horrible. It's rare that i like many people at a time, so i could sit her and list only little people I would want to take to america with me. Unfortuantly my best friend isn't there. Just because I'm nice to someone I dislike doesn’t mean I'm a fake. It means I'm mature enough to tolerate my dislike towards them. I can gurantee that if i was to live in america I would believe in love because i wouldn't fear anything out there. It would be an entire new start with entirely different people. I would even consider love to be true. British are cunt'swanker'sarse's They don't actually make you feel anything.

Likes of England -
 The winter It's nice to sit there cosy on the sofa in the season of winter it's a family season.
 The history, The landmarks that we are being given our historic arcitecture. A mark of our growth if you like.
 We are ahead of the american's with our style.

Dislikes of England -
 The driving age, Even though i haven't started driving and i'm legal to.
 The drinking age, Its to younge and unreliable people are taking advantage of the age ban.
 The summer, It's never been a summer to remember due to rain.
 The people, There arrogance is unsociably annoying.
 The amount of jumped up skanks, living in slums due to drug addictions and begging for money.
 The sob stories given in magazines.
 The lack of sunshine.
 The lack of entertainment, britain doesn't have much to offer.

I could go on but i choose not to.

This i have every reason to believe is right http://hadtheworstdream.org/

if you love someone set them free, if you had to stalk them they probably wasn’t yours to love in the first place.

er.

So it would seem that me waking up last night due to doubt was correct, and this morning proved this.
You've got this image in your head that everything that was wanted last time, will be craved again 'INCORRECT'. Me speaking to you is me being there for you as a friend not because I want to jump straight back in bed with you. If I can't even be there as a friend that you 'so much value' then what can I be? I know one thing though.. There is only little people that would of listened to you telling whats going on, & you seem to think I take that for granted so i'l leave you to it.

watch listen tell.

constantly feel shit.
Look shit constantly.
Have nothing to offer to anyone.
give me money to go to america please? that's all i ask out of life.

'don't give me a fake answer, tell me something you want me to hear not what you think i want to hear to cure it'

I run to you.

Would genuinly appreciate it if you had a nice word to say about someone.. I daren't know what you say about me.. if you can't say nice words about better people.

Repetative strain injury ouch.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yiwqfx5Op2k



I BOUGHT THE BEST RETRO WATCH TODAY 1970'S ASWELL ITE.
ALSO I AM GETTING A CHEST TATTOO I AM MAN ENOUGH HONEST.
<3

A&E

18th.
Awoke my lack of sleep to a beautiful blue sky with sun shining against the cars and hitting my window.
I remember no dream's last night which is silly. Last night was really really nice, but sleep had to come first. With the innocence of our convention, i wish it would have come true but for now it's all words.


the story got played via itunes today.. the same story that got told when you passed. I miss you like crazy.

sex is nothing anymore means nothing hate it gaygaygay

The answer wasn't given to my asked question yet it would seem that I retrieved a better answer.
http://www.theanswerbank.co.uk/Media-and-TV/Question579833.html
song is a story.. every song is a story maybe i should write a song about my story..

'A tall dark handsome gentlemen not the wealthiest of wealth but would have always given to the less fortunate. Living on the outskirts of America and seeing the world go by like passing traffic, He meets and greets those of all different genres varying from artists, who would often sit by their street corner painting the rush hour onto white pieces of recycled paper from which had been thrown away with carelessness The envelopes it would seem had markings on them in which referred back to the war. Set in 1914 this article tells its own story. Received by people who suffered a lover’s loss due to bombings the envelopes had there own marking and it wasn’t the markings of state. Music men who would also stand on streets watching passers by while using talent to gain hope for his family. There was a lady, a lady of luxury yet little wealth. She would carry portions of wood. Letting out the smell of roasted chestnuts and would always give off that warm feel to homeless street eaters, making the community homely. As you see everyone who lived on this street were all in the same boat they were a family. They all had the same morals and religious beliefs which made the community enjoyable homeless or not. Often it was shown that not many would survive. People were left there to feed for themselves if they were not accepted by there hostel environments. America’s finest hit men. A few weeks had gone and a few more men had been added to community each being neglected by there commuters. There was nothing to see through espoir It wasn’t often those would get noticed which seemed unfair as they made it to there best intention to entertain those who walked until that day where it was believed that royalty would walk by. Draped in silk of the richest and finished off with a velvet coat. Locks of golden hair would be tied in to a declaration of wealth and she was to be maintained like a crystal glass. Character of looks was taken in by the unexpected luxury. Who it would seem should. This road be reserved for her kindness. He noticed something distinctive about her but couldn’t quite explain it to himself so he left his mind to do overtime to try and figure it out. Those believed she was those who grants money as dirt, Others were left to discover he invite and the rest believed she was from Paris a dancer sent from the Moulin rouge. Even though they had the same views on everything this time seemed to be different. The days of wealth handed landed and there was no reason why. Had a few weeks past it was left with no obligation but to find her.











. As evening drew the rain started to lie in the cracked slabs and the community left to extract heat from the back of shop doors and door ways. Someone had perceived her noticeable deformity and sent her to these worn down streets which would never become souvenirs They were not disgraceful for what they had achieved and would always pray for the hope of better wealth to many others who were much more downturned then them. But the unsolved mystery was back and there stood what was once royalty. She spoke in silence when those introduced themselves. He went on to ask questions ' how had you ended up here?' still she spoke of silence. Only left to imagine what she was speaking in her mind, unaware that he was living the girl covered with a blanket from which had fallen of a silver cross push pram left to stain becoming damp


woken up to a brown boy who was standing at the edge of the street, ringing the brass bell left those sleeping disturbed The brown boy was to sell papers for his father. to pay for a family meal What read on these papers soon become a cheer of relief It was 1918 and the war and come to an end familiar becoming familiar with the word end the young girl had stood to walk towards to paper boy to read the ongoing story of how the war had ended and read the back of the paper to read the deaths.

The beginning of knowledge is the discovery of something we do not understand

Love is difficult to define. How do you avoid confusing it with infatuation or lust? Philosophers and psychologists both have attempted to define love, per least its difference from infatuation and lust.
Love is much more than a risk, but is a risk that one can take and grasp and fall into a dark abyss or dig oneself a hole and only crawl back when you overcome your emotions.

How can one truly define what love is? Not even an experienced person can truly grasp or explain love to its truest and deepest meaning. Its concepts are just a never ending story of an open book of experiences. But love does lie in one's heart, where memories are but shadows lingering in your soul. Love is giving someone the power to break your heart, but trusting them not to.

woke up, couldn't move.. stomach was jammed that if i went to move it would clasp into place and jam me.
fuck what is wrong with me?

FARRRRK ORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRF

How the FARK can someone fall out with you by being civil to someone they don't like, most pathetic childish pointless immature thing i have ever heard i hope you get aids swarve baby.

How do you handle someone passing on something serious, then having it play on the mind with the image of worry passing through. Especially when it's someone i still care for as a friend. Have a good night's sleep with the intentions that you can dream of finding a happy state of mind, let everything that has been telling you recently leave in a non exsistant nightmare. Blue balls of science make you better please?   
come see me soon please?

Lets go all the way tonight.. no regrets just love.
we can dance untill we die, you and i we will be young forever.
you make me feel like were living a teenage dream.

I for now, am the spectator.
I am not for playing against your hypocrisy.


Sitting in my bathroom attempting to record a song with my husky voice ecohing off the walls is taking me back to a state of mind in which was appreciated. I need a fag but mum said not to go out the back cause i will get a worse cold. Wanting to paint my room in red, red for romance.
i'm bleeding just to know im alive.
since friday night, i hate everything.

if you ever see her, if you ever meet her, if you ever get the chance to sit down and talk to her, let her know it's so cold, it's so cold, it's so cold here without her and tell her I miss her, tell her I need her. Tell her I want her, I really want her, to come back, home, back to keep me warm. Tell her I'm sorry..., I'm really sorry. Can you forgive me, really forgive me.

inconsolable feeling.

spending time tidying the place in which is i stay in most of the time and has left it even more warmfull.. With the wind picking up outside and the rain brewing to hit on the window pane I get the feel I'm in for a winters evening. Matilda .. the best childhood film to ever be made its followed by a happy ending. being content with things just leaves wishing.. wishing for someone to be here to spend minutes and hours in company with me. Becoming rather lonely at times starts getting boring and horrible.. but its something that i have got use to. The beauty of being alone is finding someone who can cure that inconsolable feeling.

Intoxication.

As my facebook status explains..Deodora Derek rant - i need to stop smoking but i can't and i oddly enjoy it. intoxicating myself with harmful shit isn't enough to put me off. Why do we smoke? isn't it enough seeing other people die from smoking, or people getting ill. Even people who don't smoke are suffering by the cause of passive smoking(sozzzz people). Perhaps this will seem more convincing if we reveal a personal secret: We ourselves do not smoke at all. We may be missing a great deal. That is how i see smoking as, if i don't do it im missing out silly really. I wouldn't take any drugs(sniff or inject) smoking is a universal desire for self expression. What is the nature of this psychological pleasure? A substitute for our early habit of following the whims of the moment; it becomes a legitimate excuse for interrupting work and snatching a moment of pleasure. If you sit back for the length of a cigarette, you feel much fresher afterwards. It's a peculiar thing, but I wouldn't think of just sitting back without a cigarette. I guess a cigarette somehow gives me a good excuse. As I say needing to stop smoking do I but its of the impossible. When older regret with hit the descision i make so best I make the right one.

felt like some colouring aswell.

I always fear for me, my family & my friends when a plane flys over my house.
One of those noisy planes, i think were going to get bombed and i plan ahead.. thinking about where i would hide what item would i take with me and which one of my cats i would save aha.

half an hour before mid-day.

i just got one big rush of excitement.
tonight, i must see poppy i have some shanangins to plan.
i need to book my holiday, and i need to sort my act out with certain people sorted apresto shaban.

xyz.

The xx are outstandigly tight.
I appreciate the way they present there music, it reminds me of being in a haunted house, but withe the intentions of finding something good, not a scary theme just set in a scary scene.
I should never drink as i waste all my money daym.
poshpigs tomorrow, lush.
text me soon,thanks.

Wishing I was secluded by a waterfall.

I am so ill, My mouth hurts like a bitch and i have work in less then an hour.
Last night was good, not because of the music or the venue but the people who took the time to speak to me regarding whether it would be right or wrong.
I got in one arguement last night due to him winding me up i blackmailed him and said i would tell his gf about him cheating on her, thing is i would be screwing my friend over just as much as i would 'him' and it would also cause hurt to the gf, i may be a cunt but really.. i am not that nasty.
The people there last night where a range, but the strange thing is it was always the same people who ask to take me home. It makes me feel dirty and worthless, just a pennyless piece of meat in which people think they can obtain the excuse 'drunk' the next day to explain there actions. I did not act upon any of the jestures just left to sleep this head cold off.
I will say one thing about last night.. i'm terrified for you, and simply want to hug you.

nose is really pissing me off, and i know have to walk to work to deliver some shit in and get paid FML.
x

Trying to sing with my guitar is going epicly wrong simply because this shitty cold is runing me. no voice sniffly nose, aches and pains and simply sneezing and all sorts fml.
airshow today? do i risk it raining on me to have a drink ? or will i get a worse cold.
i wish you would ring me just once.
07704926183

Late, but i have.

I have tried to get on your blog for a while but not 'me' it would seem it was your old one.
I couldn't read anything you had written untill today at 02.01 am where i found your new blog and found the reply post. This truely made me cry simply because i miss your friendship. I miss your writing because i knew you had the abilities just like me. I have read your other blogs and wish you had spoken to me about them. i forgive you, and i'm sure you had your reasons.
read this please?

when I met you at the blood bank

I am in complete fear for myself at the minute.
It would seem living in the worst place in the world could drive you to emotional disposition, simply because its not where the heart is.
still awake because my mind has gone into overload, pretty sure this happens continually.
Bon iver is syringing my ears, as I listen, it takes me back to when everything seemed to be in a happy state of mind, where the weather would be pleasent. though my happiest times where my childhood. I don't have the bond with my mother anymore, When pushed aside not wanting to be shows the ability of what love for another can do. The childhood lead seems optimized to the full extent of serenity, in where i couldn't have wished for more. Above all the strength to smile was not diversitised, nor persued as a 'have to' but a hobby.
when happy meals where a treat, and christmas was the best day of the year that's contentment to intense joy.
I'm afraid to get old, to grow alone, to grow up in england and to not have persued what I wanted to in life, someone guide me to a life full of love and dreams?

i wish i had the imagination to write like i did a few months ago, not all this shit so i am going to delete everything i just wrote and leave this sentence.

Feels pleasent and happy simply because the sun is shining.
my teeth hurt though, i'd advice anyone to get a brace but expect the pain its HURTS so much.

I think it's time i make a few changes to myself and with the people around me. Poppy has just fucked off to

ibiza so i feel i have nothing to occupy my time cause thats where all the parties go down.

elliot asked to see me the other day simply to see poppy mer what a douchefacedwankercuntprickhotbutwanker.

me and merrell should be going alton towers sunday whey.

lifesgood.

Ever got to the stage where you feel everything is too much? you know to much but what you want to know, you know little of? it scares me.. not living up to my full expectation before my instrument is killed. having them days where everything from your childhood is bought back upon your memories on little childhood things you have mentioned to little people the people you thought would have stuck around knowing they shared the same unforgivable and regretable memories with yourself. Everything is insignificant, but it is very important that you do it because no body else will. Lik when someone comes into your life and half of you says your no where near ready and the other half says 'make her yours forever' i kind have wish you had said that to me.

Dad.
We haven't spoken for a while, yet it seem's i think about you and wonder what you are doing but then i also think about when you left me and my sister the way you seemed to put upon resentment towards us in where we fear that we would never forgive you. i forgive you and im sorry.

I miss you so much, and i forgive you.
i love you.

no longer words.

Wow so today has shown that friends are not friends.
They really are just a words to describe the little time spent on being nice.
I can have words thrown at me about my looks but tbh it's my instrument and isn't used to be passed judgement.
Be kind to one another? what is that word kind? it surely has no perfect meaning.. cause no one follows the definition.