A summer song.
A song, one that is waiting to be written but yet I can't put the words together to form a sentence.
Time is going by so quickly, that's what they say when you hit adolescence, other then being discreet with my time, i am finding that time is taking a comparatively long time. I should be appreciating my young self, yet all i seem to be doing is disparaging life.
Summer love affair.
self indulging erotica's.

its been far to long hasn't it religious bloggers.
alot of things have happened over these couple of months and alot is for the best but i simply miss alot of things.. rangeing from friends, to family and family to YOU.
i understand the ethics of how life works, when one door closes another opens, when a soul is killed another is born, when the sun rises its sun down in another time and place.
i just wish things could come with the simplicity and understanding of nature.

happiness has gone.

i feel empty.
The experiencing of affective and emotional states, in which i can not define anymore. emotionally drained.
I feel sick when i talk, I'm scared to introduce new people into my life and i fear for my life. I often hurt when i judge, or regard upon. I am lower then i have ever previously been with little aversion to activity. Gesturing towards silence is the only thing i feel safe upon now. I wish i didn't belong in the present time, previous would suit me best. I'm shocked at how distinctively separated from early i am, and how modified i have become.
stop listening to sad music, it's bad and watch eastenders.

please?

i'd appreciate forgetting being cognizant or aware of a fact i use to know you.
possesing memory's that mean nothing to me anymore.
i like dislike everything about you now, aversion.
You're number has been deleted, as i'd expect you would have done the same. We don't need each other in one anothers life especially if you say you will always be there for me? postrate.
that is simply the last ever thing i am going to mention, for you to read about yourself.

9th May.
Today started dull, chilled with the people i like to call parents and watched F1.
I continued to sit around for the consistancy of the day, untill i realised the sun was coming out. This is where is met Benjamin. we went to the 'gravely' part of pakefield and stood looking at the tide, whilst talking about what we wanted to do in life, i come to the conclusion i have pretty high expectations. We needed a good landscape to take pictures for a band he is covering. pretty sweet huh. We were in the car driving, when dallas green was played via my ears 'happiness by the kilowatt' it's beautiful, and acousticaly covered to perfection, with such a soft melody ( i am listening to it now, admiring how lovely you really are ). I am at home after a chilled out day enjoying and appreciating life. My friends my family, my new friends and the sun. I am also appreciating our meeting today it bought me up a bit so thankyou. I shall see you in the week for some wine and ice cream?
night night x

integrity

completely wounded, weening of the fact i'm alone and terrified.

thrown into a state of confusion, desperation and fear.

I'm frightened at a gentle pace, as if im expecting to come upon something asif by accident.

Walking along with an unsteady mind race, it like walking the tight rope.

I think about death 24-7.
If i said i hadn't thought about death upon myself i would be lying, i think about the picture of words and often wonder what statement would be true. If only it didn't involve death to show the differences in peoples mind.
The 1 thing i know about is how much he wouldn't care, if i was to die, you wouldn't regret being an asshole, and you wouldnt moan and wish me back. The one thing youregret is ever meeting me, and you would appreciate other people's loss.

this sickens me.

i don't want you're respect so you don't phase me.

i HAVEN'T slept.
i was drinking till 7 am and i know im going to still be in pain tomorrow.
my kidney's hurt.. to much agro last night in which i can't be bothered to help you anymore.
I still hate her with everything i am, but i have no need to be argueing with her so i be civil. if you know me at you all you will no i am NOT 2 faced but then again it seems you don't know me at all.

maybe my body doesn't want me to diet..

i open a yogurt today and itt's all moldy, good start ey.

As of tomorrow my healthy life style starts.

breakfast - yogurt/fruit/dry toast.

snack - fruit

lunch - salad/sandwich fruit yogurt and a glass of orange juice.

snack - biscuit.

dinner - pasta/soup/jacket potato

6 glassess of water.

i have commited myself to a guy who can play a guitar and sing to be the father of my chrildren.
YES i will be having chrildren if this guy comes about.
he has to have a cute beauty spot, that people are unaware of.. his fashion has to be perfect, and his hair has to be messy no baldness sick shit please.
around 5/7 - 6ft. He has to have clean hands, and nice feet otherwise that is a no no, i don't want my chrildren having horrible feet. Nice shaped nose, and BLUE eyes. Atleast 1 ear pierced 2 ears are gay, but if he has one stretched i would make a exception. Tattoo's preferbly if not then you have to have tanned skin. I would like you to have the same interests as me, and not be into exotic porn. You have to get use to my individual style its not everyday you see a girl with 2 tone hair. You have to enjoy walks, drives and themeparks oh and sun if not then goodbye.
anyone?

ear hurts.
ouch.

smiley.

Because I'm feeling perpetually happy, i cannot stop smiling.. i thought i would emphasise this by getting my smiley pierced. Little time to look back on what's happened because other people are trusting there imagination to take me to wild places of forgive and forget fullness. I'm showing little interest in males if I'm honest no one has quite caught my eye, i have had offers but have rejected.. except for one guy but he is a very good mate nothing more i don't think. I'm trusting my initiative to let something/someone come to me.. i have little worry about guys love romance or feeling there is one guy i would drop my hat for and that is EH.


143.

happiness is back.

Well wasn't that brief, but i have my rose back now meaning you can go on with you're life without stress hassle or drama. I hope you appreciated the fun we actually did have even though it was for a minor time.. I'm sure you understand why i reacted the way i did, and that goes without saying.. i just wish things could have been different. I didn't intentionally add cooper to piss you off, i just genuinly added him to see who you're new best friend was as to say haha. You must forgive me. i sent you some song's earlier, just like i use to listen to your's i wanted to send you my playlist atm 'repeat'. It's summer soon, and i wish you happiness for that i think i'm over the upset now as i have perfect friends and i always know everything happens for a reason.. i best go 'got the po po round' haven't i. I hope to hear from you soon, if not il be sure to check you're good in a month or so.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ViGFyeuLh9k

I NEED TO MEET THIS GUY, THIS YEAR THE 1ST OF AUGEST LONDON.

Erik Hassle please?

you have the most beautiful tone to you're voice it's unbelievable.

You're lyrics are also beautiful, and resemble a lot to do with me.. I need to meet you, and you're black dog. That is all i ask out of life is to meet you. The most luxurious looking/presentable acoustic singer, i would pay you thousands to sing me to sleep at night. you're accent its to perfection and your curly hair is in a well presented style. I would die to meet you.

passion is beauty.

the content of cognition..
how i can allow myself to organize different feelings in my head, then within a few hours have them placed completely different.
the trait of being intensely emotional, an irrational but irresistible motive for a belief or action, being desired.. This is my feeling of emotion right now, and i like it.
A peaceful state of mind.

i've been considering some harsh damage recently, but i have the most amount of motivation possible to achieve them. When i get money, you will all understand what will happen. I'm not bothered who i upset in the long run, because it's proven i can only rely on few. Some of my motives to things are sickening and if you were to ever know what i have been thinking over the last couple of days you would be scared for me.

You won't ever understand how i am, or who i am, because i don't even know who i am anymore.. I wish i could go back to the state of a child between infancy and adolescence, little less worry.. and i would do things with an entirely different approach as to what im doing now. I feel sick with guilt on myself about what i have been thinking, and i'm terrified to know how i will protect myself if anything occurs.

The worst part is everything i would do would be intentional.

The act of motivation you're providing yourself with, shows you're spirit that enables you to face danger or pain without showing fear. This favourable circumstance will provide you with a more beneficial, and substantial look upon a some what unrestrained life. The happenings that you are going to experience makes me appreciate the little moral high ground that others have. If i was to offer a chance for phenomenon, you would be the expectandancy I would appreciate offering it to. I will always say you are to pleasant and agreeable, socially or conventionally correct, and respected amongst a few others, so never think someone such as yourself goes unappreciated. More people should look up to someone like you, and show more of an enamored aspect on something they want to do with themselves in the following future. I wish you a major significant life, and i would appreciate it if you stayed in contact.

i will offer my life as a sacrifice.
This is a beautiful moment in life.. as it will change how i see things in the future.
you're a special guy and i would like you to change you're status about feeling awfull thank's.
chinese calls my name but i dont have the appetite.
this is better for us, whether i am hurt which i am, or whether you feel awfull.
i'm sure we wil stay the greatest of friends in time, as i need you in my life, i have come to terms that friends WITHOUT benefits is what we need.

Could sincerely smash you're face in with a fucking baseball bat.
Ow maybe i need more alcohol in my system, both of you make me sick and i wouldn't spit on you if you were on fire you stupid naive cunts.
DIE.

You're intention's are to avoid talking to me for as long as you can, and the stubborn part that plays in my mind won't give in to ringing you, even if i want to hear you're voice more then ever.
Is it bad that you're mum knows i would never hurt you and i would do everything to make you happy, you're mum seems to have more knowledge then you do. You hide like a child, and shy away from the reality of something. Is it that you want me, but you want everyone else to have you, or is it that i was used?
I'm sipping wine with the mother and she asked about you, i just said oh i don't know i haven't spoken to him.. she knows that you're not that interested otherwise you would of made the effort. You bring out the best of me, but at the moment you happen to bring out the worst in me. I don't feel normal today.

Dead flower

My view of this rain is beautiful.
It's not often we go through s series of day's without any poor weather, were not the only  one's to benefit from the british weather, plants need water to feed offf.
We can't always give and not take, this is becoming a regular accurance with you.
A moment, a love a dream a life a kiss a cry our rights, our wrongs.
Please try not to take and never give because it makes that other person feel small, and makes them feel like a flower with no water.

When I'm alone, everything i think about is comprehensive, thorough and detailed.
My all in one manner to approach something is filled with a silence of confusion.. resulting from a failure to behave predictably then back to where we started off with me being comprehensive.

My loss of orientation is a defined stroke of feeling and emotion, taking one thing to be another and anticipating the complete opposite. everything appears different to how it's told in my head and sometimes i wish the walls would close in on me and that sometimes the instance i think, could be refereed to the similarities and reality of what was going on around me then maybe i would be so confused.

i sing everyday, i've decided music is my life.
My back window is open, and i can hear the bird's also singing.
My neighbours double door's are open whilst there noise flows through my window.
i couldn't not sing i enjoy it to much.
shame i never sing infront of people, maybe they'd understand my love for music if they heard.

1st day of a new month lalala

good job this month, i don't plan to regret anything, take any oppotunity's in a relationship nor take forever to make a decision. 1st of May, bbq day with weather like this, i need to wash my locks again. Then communicate with a few male/female friends to sort out the plans for today yumyum shower time.

also.. would you risk it for a chocolate biscuit?