Its raining and the leaves have still fell to the ground but i always feel cosy when inside looking out.. my mind is full of so much confusion right now that i just over think everything and say things that i dont really want to happen just that i think are best. Me n pop were having a conversation last night about the exsperiences we wished we had never witness at such young ages and with my mother and her mother being really close friends i feel as though she is like a sister. I've also been thinking alot about my dad and wondering whether he thinks about me, giving me that 'want' to find him.. i've also been thinking about how fun everything had become and now it all seems a tad complicated i didnt want to think things in debth i honestly didnt but sometimes we are all secluded and our minds lead us to think in debth. i feel as though no one is speaking bar me as i only listen to myself i lack the trust i need to have people in my life and i loose the confidence to want to trust so i pretend i dont care, i put a barrier up against my feelings and block out anything that i think will lead to future hurt.. thing is i want to trust you more then anyone in the world even though i know im going to get hurt self enflicted right?